In the Western World we tend to be very obsessed with goals and outcomes. We are always setting goals – meeting them or missing them and beating ourselves up. We are conditioned to be outcome focused in our schools, our jobs. our everyday life. Just look at all the Get-Rich quick schemes, Get-Young-Again quick schemes, Get-Skinny quick schemes… and all the other Get-Something quick schemes out there. We as a culture, don’t want to deal with the process of becoming rich- the hard work and the hours of learning, the process of becoming healthy inside out- maintaining our bodies, -a healthy diet and the regular workouts. Let’s face it – we can’t stay young forever or get a nip tuck and wish that fat away because it’s going to come back if our habits don’t sustain it. Sooner or later it’s going to catch up with us when we go to the quick and easy route!
I will admit, I am GUILTY of being outcome-focused! I’m a goal-setting junkie. I enjoy learning, I enjoy the challenge of crushing my goals. The past few years I’ve had the opportunity to meet some amazing high-achievers – successful people who have made millions of dollars investing in apartments, but what I’ve also noticed is that some of these people don’t necessarily seem fulfilled by their successes and are constantly chasing something bigger and bigger.
I ask myself is that who I want to be? Where does this stop? Is this greed or is this ambition? I sometimes don’t see the difference between the two. I consider myself a fairly ambitious person but my quality of life, the loving relationships and connections I have, quality time with my family and friends and my hobbies like traveling and dancing matter more than money does. Of course I desire money to be financially free and be able to afford things in life, but money is a means towards an end. It’s not the end goal. Money can be used powerfully to help not only ourselves but the less fortunate among us. Numerous studies have shown that people are not any happier after they make about $75K (in United States). The happiness index only marginally goes up. In fact a lot of rich people are downright depressed! So what should all this hustle be really about?
Ever since I got a chance to see Tony Robbins I’ve always been very impacted with his view of the world, of success and of life. Having made it his life’s work to study a lot of “successful” people he frequently talks about success and what that means. He talks of true success being both of these –
- Science of Achievement
- Art of Fulfillment
In his “Unleash the Power Within” event he talks about the very talented Robin Williams as a person who had mastered the “science of achievement” but sadly had not mastered the “art of fulfillment”. Despite making millions of dollars, despite being well-loved by millions, despite making millions of us laugh through his amazing movies, he was unfulfilled as a person and deeply depressed. Robin Williams wasn’t the only celebrity who lived an unfulfilled life while being ultra-successful in the worldly sense – where success is merely defined by one’s net worth. There was Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston, Kurt Cobain (Nirvana), Marilyn Monroe, Kate Spade to name a few. These people left an indelible impression on all of us and were successful in their chosen professions and yet still led unfulfilled lives. Their bank balance was high but their spirits were low. So where did they fail? Did they fail to achieve their goals? Obviously they did not. They were still not fulfilled because they didn’t feel a sense of connection, of love and all the things that fulfill us from within and feeds our soul.
So what then do we chase if we don’t chase goals?
Lately, I’ve been doing the S.A.V.E.R.S. routine everyday (Miracle Morning – Hal Elrod). S- Silence, A-Affirmations, V-Visualizations, E-Exercise, R-Reading, S-Scribing/Journaling. As a part of my reading if I’m on the go, I listen to some audio clips and I love listening to this wise man called Sadhguru. His message really hit home. Enjoy the process. Devote yourself to the process. Don’t attach yourself to the outcome. You can set outcomes for yourself. But know and understand that when you reach those outcomes there will be a sense of accomplishment for a day or two and then you will be deflated! Sad but true, life is a constant improvement process. Outcomes are desirable but who you become in the process of working towards that outcome is what matters.
Are you becoming more of the person you want to be? Are you more joyful? Are you feeling connected? Are you feeling loved and supported?
In my own fledgling business I’ve realized although I do want to achieve big things and help people, it’s honestly the process the keeps me going. The process of educating my investors, the process of connecting with people, and the process of improving myself everyday. I’m devoted to this process and it brings me joy. Isn’t that the point?
I tend to be a planner-extraordinaire. I plan my year, my life, my vacations to a high degree of detail. I thrive on establishing certainty but the truth is there is no certainty in life. The truth is we all have to learn to live life as it comes because the best laid plans can go south. I’m learning that surrendering to the Universe, Higher Power, God whatever you believe in, brings joy because you worry less about outcomes, you learn to surrender your wants, your desires, your fears and your worries while you focus on the process. Focus on doing more of the things you love each day and trust that the process will lead you down the path you’re supposed to be.
Perhaps we should change the yardstick for gauging our success? Maybe it’s not $x dollars or “y” lbs on the scale. It’s how we feel about ourselves and our lives. It’s more about love, connection and growth than about numbers.
What are your thoughts? Please do share, I would love to hear!
